Knowing

In the study we're doing in my small group, in my own devotions, in the blogs I read and sermons I listen to,  and in my own personal walk with Christ, God has been pressing an issue on my heart lately- one that I have struggled (and still struggle) with and one that is so hard to be honest with ourselves about- the difference between knowing about God and knowing God in a way that glorifies Him above all else.

 At the end of the book of Job, after all he has in the world has been taken from him, and he has heard the counsel of friends fail to explain his calamity, and he has heard the word of the Lord, Job declares to the Lord:

"My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you."

 God declares His purpose to Moses in Exodus 14:

"But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD."

 In Jesus' prayer for Himself, his disciples, and all the believers to come (John 17), He makes it clear that eternal life is to KNOW God and to glorify Him and that His will is that we make Him known to the world. 

In Job's case, it is not until he has nothing left that he declares that his eyes have SEEN the Lord- and I think this gets at the root of the difference between knowing about God and knowing Him in a glorifying way. We may know truths about the nature of God- that He gives and takes away, that He can do ANYTHING, that He is good and does good- but when He shows us those things through experience, He is truly glorified and we truly see and know Him.  It seems like its not until we have experienced the truths that we realize how shallow our knowledge of them was before, and I think that is why it can be hard for us to differentiate between the two.

I taught high school for three years in an inner city school with issues, to put it lightly. I knew it would be hard when I signed on to do it- that was part of the reason I was attracted to it. I wanted to do something challenging and worthwhile. I knew that there would be rough days. I was told that there would be days when I'd want to quit. I knew that I wouldn't reach every kid and that that would be unbelievably frustrating and heartbreaking.

I knew all of these things... in theory.

I trusted the words of those who told me these truths and I believed them- there was no doubt in my mind that these people were telling me the truth.

 It was not until months into the job though, when those truths were my reality, that I KNEW them to my core. When I was living out those truths every day, experiencing tears on the drive to work, and debilitating exhaustion, and fantasies about quitting and walking away, then I KNEW what it meant that "there would be hard days." 

  As God has shown me truths about Himself via experiences He has brought me through, my faith has increased and my love for Him has grown...  Just as I would not trade a moment of my teaching days for the "book knowledge" of the issues that face youth in the inner city, I would not trade a single hard experience God has allowed me to endure for the "book knowledge" about those truths.  

Even so, my heart still holds back and resists the pain and suffering when I see it approaching- the road to holiness is not natural is it? We don't slip into it or happen upon it. It is "natural" to self-preserve and my sinful nature desires self preservation every. single. time. 

So, I write this partially to remind myself that God's way of making himself known to me is better than the path I would have chosen, 

every.single.time.