For Life

I wanted to put this in writing, not because I have anything particularly eloquent to say about it, but because I want to remember this season. I want to remember that even in the midst of one of the most intense periods of spiritual apathy and doubt I've experienced since becoming a believer, the Lord has been gracious to give me mercy when I didn't deserve it, hope at the last minute, and a promise that makes me cry just thinking about it. Over and over in the past 6 months or so, the Lord has reminded me of this:

He is in this thing for life. 

("this thing" being my relationship with Him)

God will not leave, He won't give up on me, and He won't decide I've gone too far or doubted too much. No matter what I'm feeling, how much I'm doubting, how many Bible studies I've done,  what a "sucky Christian" I've been, what I've wrestled with in Scripture re: issues of culture and sin... not only will He stay, He will ACTIVELY stay, fighting for the relationship because He is jealous for me.

In Deuteronomy 31:6 Moses says to Israel, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you." I have heard this verse often. Six months ago, I could have said it to you and asserted its truthfulness with conviction.

But isn't there a wonderful sort of knowing that comes from a personal encounter with God? The kind where you have known something to be true before, but didn't realize how shallow your knowledge was until God helped you KNOW it to be true through experience?

That's what this season has been for me. I knew before that God doesn't leave us. But it has taken consistent, gentle, merciful whispers from the Lord Almighty for me to begin to KNOW it. He whispers to me, "I'm in this for life," and washed in renewed faith and mercy, I exhale, knowing that it is true.