I have been missing in action on this blog (sorry mom and Beans and my 2 or so other faithful readers, ha!), but my real life has been full of action...a lot has happened since Christmas Eve, the last time I wrote! It's hard to believe that its only been 5 weeks or so- it feels much longer. I am now a thousand or so miles away, back in the south, in the town I love and believe God has called me to. I started a new job, began regularly attending a new church, and as of yesterday, am in a new house with a new roommate.
Much about my life is not the same now as when I left this place, and He is using both the pain and joy that comes from those changes to shape me.
This week, I have been thinking about how pain shapes us.
A friend and I were talking about it yesterday, and I blurted out that I wouldn't have traded ANY of this past year for the fruits of growth and increased faith that God has brought about because of some of the painful changes and journeys I've been on. I then confessed to her that I'm scared to even say that out loud, because I worry that God will then give me more and more and more trials since I've confessed that I am thankful for their fruit. I want the idols in my life and the chains on my heart to be ripped away, but I still tense up when I see God coming to take them- in that moment, I am more afraid of the pain of their removal than the slow, debilitating death that leaving them there would guarantee.
But God knows my fears and hesitations and knows that in spite of them, I desire more than anything to grow in faith and love and to be sanctified. He knows that I will sometimes resist His life changing work, and He also knows that afterward I will count it as more valuable than anything I own or any relationship I have.
His character is such that He does what is best, whether we feel good about it at the time or not.
When I was dead,
when I looked to everything else in the world for 'reason' and 'sense',
when I didn't understand why this 'Jesus' guy was necessary,
He peeled the scales from my eyes and showed me what Truth really is.
The most ridiculous thing about that is that He doesn't stop there.
He gives believers the gift of knowing our Lord, and then He continues to work in us, refining us and sanctifying us as we seek Him. He loved us too much to leave us without a savior, and He loves us too much to let us remain stagnant in our faith when our deepest desire is for that faith to grow.
Today, I am resting in the truth that the good fruit is worth the pruning, and I am praying with all of my heart that you and I will abide in that truth. Let it sink in and give us confidence that when we see the pruning shears coming, He LOVES us deeply and desires to shape us into instruments of His glory.
How did you get to be so wise? It humbles me and exalts me to know how much God loves you.
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